Hiding in the Closet

Now that I've embraced Polyandry as an alternative lifestyle I've come to understand why "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is such a difficult policy for gay people.  It's about social acceptance, and not having to hide who you really are.

For the time being I've decided to stay "in the closet" with my friends and extended family about the nature of my polyandric relationship with Trevor and Devon.  I'm finding it to be surprisingly difficult because I am a very open person, and I now need to be really careful about what I say and the comments I make about the two most important people in my life. 

I already found myself almost letting it slip.  I was visiting a long-time friend the other day and I found myself telling a short story about something funny that Trevor did, and not a half hour later making a reference to Devon.  She noticed. 

"Oh, I thought you were still with Trevor."

Yes. 

I shrugged it off by saying that Devon and I are still friends and "it's complicated."  She accepted that explanation.  Whew!!!

I've been thinking about how to politically correctly refer to the both of them, in a way that my conservative friends can handle.  The best answer I've come up with is that Trevor and I are together, and Devon is my best friend.  That really unfairly downplays my relationship with Devon, but we talked about it, and he agreed that label was best for now. 


I also nearly slipped again a few days ago while eating lunch with my long-term friend Charles.  Now Charles is just a friend, and has never been anything else.  But, we've known each other since we went to school together, so we go way back.  For many years, Charles has given me man- and life-advice, and I can talk to him about pretty much anything.  He is probably one of the most religious and the most open-minded people I know.  (What a combination!) 

Charles is also friends with both Trevor and Devon (they all met thru me.)

All of this combined makes it so hard to keep my secret.  I was relieved that Charles didn't ask what my current relationship status is during our lunch.  But, we talked about lots of different topics, including controversial ones.

We were talking about politics, and I mentioned that I heard someone say that the current national focus on the gay marriage debate may be distracting our attention from the other issues happening right now.  He asked why I thought there is currently so much emphasis on the gay marriage issue.

I was surprised that he wasn't aware of the media's fixation on the topic.  I've noticed lately that this ad (see image at top of blog entry) has been following me around the internet.  I've seen it while using YouTube, while reading articles on news websites, and even when reading blogs that are unrelated to that topic.  Then, I turned my computer off and watched some news, and they were talking about gay marriage there too.  I read the newspaper and it was being discussed again.  Somehow that was also the chosen topic on the radio when I was driving, and one of my relatives sent me a forwarded email about it.  I've been feeling like I can't get away from it!

Seeing and hearing all of these ads has definitely got me thinking about the gay marriage debate more often.  I wonder if the desire to legally marry your significant other stems from the desire for social acceptance and openness.  They don't want to have to hide who they are, just like I don't want to. 

The stakes are so high.  I don't think Charles would turn his back on me over it, but I do have other friends that I think I would lose if they knew.  I have to guard my words, my thoughts, and if someone asks me directly, I need to remember to lie.

I mentioned to Charles that I read in an article about the gay marriage debate that some people think that if gay marriage is legalized, then polygamy will be next. 

Charles said, "Why only one man with multiple women?  What about one woman with multiple men too?"

We talked about polygamy and polyandry some more and he remarked that I really know a lot about the topic.  Umm - I was curious about the topic and did some Google searches?  Does that explain it? 

Ooh!  Close call!  It's surprisingly hard not to talk about something that's been on my mind so much lately. 

I'm going to need to be much more careful at the "Girl's Night" party I'm going to this weekend!  What am I going to say if/when someone asks me about my relationship status?