Polyandry is a word that I never heard of before deciding to become a polyandress. It was only after talking to both of my guys and seeing how this arrangement could actually make all of us happy that I started doing some google searches - looking to see if there were other people out there like us - that I discovered the name for our lifestyle.
One thing I found is that relationships really have many different shapes and sizes, and some things that seem like alternative lifestyles are not necessarily as alternative as we think.
Some things can be defined in different ways. I don't have to define my relationship as polyandry. I do because I like to think of it that way.
I could also define myself as a single woman who is just dating two men. But, I think it's more than that because both of my relationships are committed and long term.
All three of us like to think of ourselves and our lives in different ways. Trevor likes to think he doesn't have to be responsible (although I think he is the most responsible of the three of us). Devon likes to think that he and I can read each others' minds. I like to think that I have a harem. All of these statements are partially true, and mostly not.
Polyandry is defined as a long term committed relationship between one woman and multiple men with the knowledge and consent of all involved.
Here are some similar terms and their definitions:
Until two weeks ago, when we made the decision and all of us agreed to try out this alternative lifestyle, I really hoped to get married in the future. And, I was very frustrated as I got older, and my biological clock was ticking, that I couldn't seem to tie the knot. Now, I have realized that what I really want is to have children in the future, but that doesn't mean that I need to get married.
In the article "In Defense of Single Motherhood," author Katie Roiphe states that, "we now live in a country in which 53 percent of the babies born to women under 30 are born to unmarried mothers."
It's been a challenge to let go of the idea that I need to get married to one man in order to have children, since my socially conservative culture tells me that's the only way to have a "planned" pregnancy, and that all other children are "accidents." But, I really believe that adaptability is the key to success, and I have the ability to adapt to alternative options - like having kids with who I want when I am ready. I'm not ready yet - we'll see what happens in the future.
I actually don't think I'd be happy without both of my men in my life. They fulfill very different roles in my life. To me, my relationships are not complete without having both of these roles. To each of them, they don't even see a need for the other's role in a relationship.
For example, I value having someone to make and eat dinner with. Devon finds eating dinner together to be an unnecessary inconvenience, and prefers to eat frozen dinners on his own time. Even though I tried begging, pleading, coercing and all sorts of unattractive methods to try to get him to eat dinner with me occasionally, it rarely worked out and only resulted in hurt feelings on both sides.
Trevor on the other hand, really enjoys cooking and eating with me. He will go out of his way to wait for me so we can eat together, and to cook food that he knows I like. Now that I am having this need fulfilled in my life, I am no longer angry that Devon doesn't want to have that be a regular part of our relationship.
Allowing myself to have two men in my life puts me in the driver's seat of my life and in charge of getting my needs met.
To me, that's what polyandry's about.
One thing I found is that relationships really have many different shapes and sizes, and some things that seem like alternative lifestyles are not necessarily as alternative as we think.
Some things can be defined in different ways. I don't have to define my relationship as polyandry. I do because I like to think of it that way.
I could also define myself as a single woman who is just dating two men. But, I think it's more than that because both of my relationships are committed and long term.
All three of us like to think of ourselves and our lives in different ways. Trevor likes to think he doesn't have to be responsible (although I think he is the most responsible of the three of us). Devon likes to think that he and I can read each others' minds. I like to think that I have a harem. All of these statements are partially true, and mostly not.
Polyandry is defined as a long term committed relationship between one woman and multiple men with the knowledge and consent of all involved.
Here are some similar terms and their definitions:
- Polygamy - a committed relationship with more than two partners, includes polygyny, polyandry and group marriage
- Polygyny - a committed relationship between one man and multiple women
- Group marriage - a committed and exclusive relationship between a selected set of partners, both male and female.
- Love triangle - a romantic relationship where each of the three people has some kind of relationship to the other two, and often triggers jealousy and hatred between the rivals involved.
- Bigamy - entering a marriage while simultaneously being in a marriage with another person, without the knowledge or consent of people involved. This is considered a crime, and the second marriage is considered void.
Until two weeks ago, when we made the decision and all of us agreed to try out this alternative lifestyle, I really hoped to get married in the future. And, I was very frustrated as I got older, and my biological clock was ticking, that I couldn't seem to tie the knot. Now, I have realized that what I really want is to have children in the future, but that doesn't mean that I need to get married.
In the article "In Defense of Single Motherhood," author Katie Roiphe states that, "we now live in a country in which 53 percent of the babies born to women under 30 are born to unmarried mothers."
It's been a challenge to let go of the idea that I need to get married to one man in order to have children, since my socially conservative culture tells me that's the only way to have a "planned" pregnancy, and that all other children are "accidents." But, I really believe that adaptability is the key to success, and I have the ability to adapt to alternative options - like having kids with who I want when I am ready. I'm not ready yet - we'll see what happens in the future.
I actually don't think I'd be happy without both of my men in my life. They fulfill very different roles in my life. To me, my relationships are not complete without having both of these roles. To each of them, they don't even see a need for the other's role in a relationship.
For example, I value having someone to make and eat dinner with. Devon finds eating dinner together to be an unnecessary inconvenience, and prefers to eat frozen dinners on his own time. Even though I tried begging, pleading, coercing and all sorts of unattractive methods to try to get him to eat dinner with me occasionally, it rarely worked out and only resulted in hurt feelings on both sides.
Trevor on the other hand, really enjoys cooking and eating with me. He will go out of his way to wait for me so we can eat together, and to cook food that he knows I like. Now that I am having this need fulfilled in my life, I am no longer angry that Devon doesn't want to have that be a regular part of our relationship.
Allowing myself to have two men in my life puts me in the driver's seat of my life and in charge of getting my needs met.
To me, that's what polyandry's about.
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