Polyandry is a Possibility

I am just a normal 33 year old woman who was looking for "the one."  I haven't found one person who has fulfilled all of my needs for a relationship.  But, I found two.  Neither of these men alone make me happy, but combined, I'm hoping they will be a dream come true!

We've officially been in a polyandrous relationship for two weeks now, and I'm writing this blog because I need to have a place to express my thoughts and tell about my experiences.  My parents know about the nature of our relationship, and they approve (wow!), but I'm pretty sure that none of my friends would be able to handle knowing about it!  In fact, I think that for now it's best to keep it "in the closet" so to speak.

Our relationship is a "V".  I have separate relationships with Trevor and Devon.  They each know about my relationship with the other, and have met each other many times in the past.

Trevor and I met almost ten years ago and we've been friends since.  We started dating a year and a half ago, and have had some rocky moments, but lots of great ones too.  He is an amazing cook, and we actually fight about who gets to cook dinner because we both love to cook.  He's fun to be around, and I am able to let my passionate side out to play when we're together.  I love him, but in a different way than I love Devon.

But, Trevor had some big fears of commitment, doesn't want to celebrate holidays, and felt overwhelmed by the amount of time and attention I seemed to require.  He wanted to break up over those things.

Devon and I met almost seven years ago, and we dated for four years, got engaged, started planning the wedding, and then some serious issues came up.  We have been broken up (although never completely out of touch) for the past two years.  Devon is the most loving, most romantic man I know and I still believe that he is my soulmate and that we will remain friends, maybe even best friends, for the rest of our lives.  I love him so much.  What is the problem, then? 

After telling me for years that he thought that being physical should be saved for marriage he admitted that he is probably an asexual.  This was a huge surprise to me because he was always very touchy-feely, and I thought that would translate into you-know-what.  But it didn't.  He told me he is the type of asexual who still desires a relationship and likes to cuddle and kiss.  He just doesn't understand why that other stuff is important to me.  That wasn't the only problem in our relationship, but to me, it was the biggest unsolvable issue.  In addition, Devon felt like I had a much higher energy level than he could match, and he just couldn't give me enough time to keep me happy.

Over the past year I have really struggled with letting go of him as my best friend, because I felt that I should only have one man in my life.  I've joked to myself and my mother for a few years that maybe I just need to have another man in addition to him, but I never dreamed that I would actually find two men that wanted to "timeshare" me!

When I finally let go of the idea that I could only have one man in my life, and that he needed to fulfill all of my needs it was a huge release.

I kinda feel that instead of having two men, it's like each of them are half of a relationship, and when you add them together they are just one, really awesome relationship.  They each fulfill different areas in my life, and there isn't very much overlap.  Trevor is my lover, my dinner companion, and the person I hang out with.  Devon is my best friend, my soulmate, my confidante, travel companion, my Romeo, and my personal adviser.

I consider both of these roles to be very important, and I'm happy that I now have two men to make me happy.  They are not just okay with the arrangement, but actually enthusiastic about it!  I love both of them, and they both love me.  :)